Q: “My partner is feeling unmotivated…How should I handle this?” 

A: “There are times when your partner might feel unmotivated, which is okay. We all have moments like this, and the fact you have each other can be extremely helpful. This low-motivation period can be an opportunity to recognize this feeling, give space to listen to each other, pause, and take action. When motivation is teetering, sometimes action is needed to ignite the flame.

“The incentive theory suggests that a desire for external rewards dictates behavior. To use this principle to help motivate your partner, start by chatting with them about what they will gain from reaching their goals, the reason behind why they want to achieve this goal, and how things will be different if they choose to keep pushing forward. While talking it out can be motivating, research has proven that writing down goals increases an individual’s likelihood to stick to their plan, so feel free to pull out paper and a pen during this exercise. 

“Another strategy to help boost motivation is to focus on habit-bundling, an actionable strategy that revolves around pairing an existing habit with a new habit. For example, you and your partner drink coffee together every morning, but their goal is to drink more water. By bundling those habits, you both can commit to having a glass of water while making coffee. This strategy can help the new habit feel like less of a chore. No matter which strategy you choose, the continued unconditional positive regard and support you show your partner is irreplaceable in the long run.”

– Andrea Rivers, LSW, Noom Coach