How we impact one another’s mood, food choices, and more

By Andreas Michaelides, Ph.D., Chief of Psychology at Noom

You probably already understand that, as a supportive partner to your Noomer, you’re in a position to help them achieve their health goals. And, if you’re reading this, chances are that you want to help. But what does helping look like? What can you actually do? We’ve got your back. Below are some suggestions to spark your creativity about how to best support your partner—and you may even grow in the process, too!  

1. You and your partner can co-create their environment

Trying to change behavior is very taxing on the brain. One strategy to help your partner’s brain adjust is to support changing their physical environment (such as their home or office). That way, your partner will be set up for success as their brain catches up to the changes they’re making. 

If you are physically near your partner, consider how you are influencing your partner’s environment. For example, try to be mindful of the foods you bring into their environment. If you are eating foods that your partner is actively trying to avoid, consider keeping those foods out of your partner’s home (or your shared living space). If you cook for your partner, make sure you’re familiar with their dietary changes. Check in with yourself about how you are feeling about these changes, too—if you aren’t comfortable cooking to their preferences, consider a meal delivery service or local restaurant that can accommodate both your preferences.  

If you are long-distance with your partner, you may not be in a position to make these changes yourself. Instead, try talking to your partner about their environment and how it supports (or doesn’t support) the changes they’re trying to make. You might even work to make the same changes to your environment at the same time as your partner! That way, you can both see what it’s like to make these changes and talk through how it feels. 

2. You can work to reduce shame and stigma

Having a personal cheerleader can be awesome, but being a supportive partner to your Noomer isn’t always about rah-rah support. There are times when your partner may encounter stigma or feel shame about their weight loss journey. One study found that people trying to lose weight consistently reported experiencing blame and shame by family members and friends because of their weight. 

It is possible you may have your own judgments about your partner’s behavior in their journey to lose weight. For example, you may notice your partner doing something that doesn’t align with the weight loss goals they’ve set for themselves. In these instances, pause before saying anything, and get curious with your own reactions. You might notice that you feel a desire to point out your partner’s choices. If so, you may be falling prey to judgment and all-or-nothing thinking. By becoming more mindful of your own reactions, you can avoid judging or (perhaps unintentionally) shaming your partner. 

Another antidote to shame and stigma is to cultivate understanding, and practice encouragement in your relationship. This can be especially helpful if your partner is hitting a rough patch in their journey (which is normal). Sometimes, it can be difficult to know the right words to say. Some helpful words to a partner feeling shame: 

• You are doing the best you can. 
• You are taking this one day at a time. 
• I am proud of you.
• I appreciate how hard you are working to make these changes in your life. 
• I see how much this matters to you.
• I am with you and here to support you. 

3. You can become very curious about how to support your partner 

Everyone prefers to receive support differently—it is a highly individual and personal preference. It’s important to find out, and constantly pay attention to, what works best for your partner. 

Try having ongoing conversations with your partner in which you ask them:

(1) How do you want me to support you? 

(2) How do you want me to recognize your efforts and praise you?

(3) What can I do for you when you’re feeling unmotivated and fall off course?

Regular communication will help ensure that you’re fine-tuning the support system you and your partner are building. This is an opportunity to learn so much about how they are motivated and for them to see how you care. You’re both on a journey together. 

Weight loss is difficult—people often don’t talk about it because of the possibility of failure—but your partner is being vulnerable with you, which speaks volumes about your relationship and their belief in your ability to help on this journey. You’re a person who can uniquely understand the habits of the person you’re supporting. That’s why they’re asking you for help navigating complex situations and changing patterns. Your support can help create an environment in which both of you learn, grow, and thrive.